The Weird World of Ebay

Hope my readership are smart enough not to be taken in by some purveyors of weirdness on ebay; especially if it involves spending three pounds on something that costs 45p in the shops! Plus, we can't have one outlet for everything because that will mean we are ruled by big corporations!

Beans, lots of Beans

What we have here, is a single can of Baked Beans. Apparently limited edition, and clearly selling for way too much money!

A Can of Limited Edition Heinz Baked Beans with Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce

415g can

Contains: Gluten, fish

No artificial colours or preservatives

Used by date: October 2007

Blimey! Does this guy work for Heinz, because he sounds like he writes the labels. Surprised he didn't give us cooking instructions, as well!

Contains fish. Never realised Beans weren't suitable for veggies; Weird Ebay teaches you so much. Like, if it can be sold, someone will buy! (Fortunately, Ebayers seem to have more sense than to buy this item)

No artificial colours or preservatives. So it's suitable for hyperactive kids, but not veggies!

Used by October 2007. What happens if you don't? Does the tin explode? Do the mould monsters come to get you?

Because they appear to want to profit out of everything else, so why not Granny?! This purveyor of weird items is profiting out of death and destruction (sort of).

7/7 Guardian Front Page

08 July 2005 - The Guardian

London's day of terror

And the day some opportunist sees pound signs flash in front of his eyes! While everyone else is shocked, he is laughing all the way to the bank.

Very good condition - slight yellowing of front cover.

Clearly spent the past two years planning this listing! Otherwise, why keep the WHOLE newspaper in such good condition? He must have put it in a bag straight away, considering that newspapers don't actually take long to go yellow and funny. (Speaking as one who keeps a scrapbook!)

Obviously waiting for the right moment to list the item, too soon and he'll be seen as someone who just profits out of misery. If you're cynical enough, you might believe he still is!

Looking at his other items, he has made quite a habit of saving whole newspapers and waiting for the opportunity to sell. I think we should name him "Del Boy"!

You wonder if some of these Weird Ebay sellers are desperate to be mentioned on Weird Ebay Blog, or just putting of the evitable throwing the item to the rubbish. I suspect the former.

This might explain why we have a solitary teabag listed on ebay, because something that provides an excellent beverage is hardly rubbish!

This PG tips teabag was the last one in my PG tips box

What most (including the insane) people do when their tea box is almost empty, is drink the remaining tea and buy a new box. What the joker on ebay does, is auction it!

so you need to give it a new home

Why can't you give it a new home?! Are you prejudiced against the last teabag in the box?!

you can either frame it or talk to it like its in your own family,

IT'S A TEABAG! It won't talk back, multiply or grow into a big teabag (though, it would be nice!). It will just sit there motionless!

or you can put it in boiling hot water and make a cup of tea with it, its very scrummy when you do this.

That's more like it! Although with a starting bid of 99p, and One Pound postage, the price of this cup of tea will make Starbucks and their friends look cheap.

The caffiene addicts haven't bidded on it, yet!

You do still get ebay items! Hehe. Well, as some ebay sellers can't actually spell it doesn't surprise me!

However the item does plunge to new depths of weirdness! Who, seriously, would want stuffed Magpie Heads?!

Interesting item (two for joy)

No. Two for WTF, or bemusement!

magpie half skins consisting head neck and chest

No feet. See the picture; it looks absolutely bizarre! What can you do with a stuffed magpie, with NO FEET?!?

could be used for wall decoration,fly tying material.

Bit of a waste; you spend all that money, only to dump the item you bought! Unless he's suggesting that people try to fly the stuffed birds. In which case, he is very daft!

Oh dear. People have bidded! Reminds me of a lyric in Weird Al's "Ebay Song";

"The kind of shit you throw away, what I found on ebay!"

It's true. Oh dear!

Another number plate. I'm not actually bored of this, despite the proliferation of these on ebay/this blog. They provide me with entertainment, which is always good! Range Rover Number Plate

What's so weird about this number plate;

Actual Vehicle Registration Mark (VRM): R666VER

Yes, the registration is the Biblical number for the Devil! Not sure if the wonderful ebay seller realises it, as he doesn't actually mention it in the listing.

BE THE ENVY OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND THE GENERAL PUBLIC AT LARGE

I assume that his friends are not extremely religious, then!

THIS WOULD BE IDEAL FOR A PERSON WHO OWNS

ANY LAND ROVER OR

ANY ROVER MODEL

Land Rover. 4x4. Well it destroys the planet, and those kind of vehicles are driven by daft women in Hampstead and Mill Hill for the purpose of the school run. So definitely, appropriate!

During my random-words-on-ebay-search, I stumbled on this (no, it didn't hurt!). Chip Containers.

Just in case you own a fake KFC/food van at major sporting events!

keeps the heat in for a hot tasty snack

made in approved food grade plastic, and a great modern look.

Spelling out what the polystyrene tubs do, for those too stupid uninitiated to know!

"Great modern look". Hmmm. I thought these things were modern, and that would actually make them modern! What else would they look like, anyway? 1920's style polystyrene tubs?!

But he has a good reason for selling;

selling due to shop closure.

Almost feel sorry for ridiculing him! Almost!

Every now and then I find something that just somes up Weird Ebay items. And it is usually related to toilets! Here we have; BOG ROLL!

What is the point of novelty bog roll? It hangs in the roll holder, is used and disappears down the loo; you don't get to appreciate it for longer than 5 seconds.

NOVELTY "LOVE/YOU+ME" TOILET PAPER

Someone's cashing in on the tacky market! Never mind that it won't be appreciated (any more than plain toilet roll is!), lets just list some stupid item in the hope that A Moron will bid!

That's all it is!

First, why the heck is this thing listed for nearly eight grand??! Come on, it's not even that interesting (or funny!)! It's a number plate for mothers.

BD55MOM

You're on UK ebay, you're based in Birmingham, England (not Alabama, let's just clear that up!) and for some reason you feel the need to use American spellings! Why?! Here's a quick guide to proper English spelling;

It's spelt M-U-M, okay?!

A PERFECT GIFT FOR YOUR MOM OR YOUR WIFE

Or some daft woman who drives around Hampstead, or Mill Hill, in her Chelsea Tractor! I'm scared of those people, does that make them the boss?!

Doesn't explain why the seller thinks the plate is worth eight thousand! Fortunately, no one's daft enough to bid yet!

Couldn't resisted titling this weird ebay entry with a reference to "The Sixth Sense". What is it?!

It wants to help people who live in haunted houses.

What is it selling?

YOU WILL RECEIVE ALL THE RELEVANT INFORMATION NEEDED PLUS A FACT SHEET

A factsheet? Is that all? Not an exorcist service, then! I don't know why they couldn't have put the information on the internet as a FREE service. Oh, silly me, they want to make money! Of course.

Look, he even has information on the auction. Definitely someone who needs their own website!